My body and head ache from exhaustion, absolutey no motivation remains in me.  It’s not bad, i’ve accepted my current state.  But just because it’s not bad doesn’t mean i don’t wish it was different.  It’s my due sacrifice in return for the atlantic sunrise I witnessed this morning.  Sitting atop Cadillac mountian at about five fifteen a.m. I was one of the first people in the U.S. to see the sun today.  Didn’t make the occassion any more brilliant, being awake for the sun is always an exhilarating experience.  The lady sitting next to me asked if it was dorky to cry at sunsets, she was crying.  My response should of been no, however it is extremely dorky to try and record the power of a sunset on a video camera and then post said video to youtube.  At about five thirty this morning I had already accomplished my biggest task of the day and was beginning to feel tired.

It’s noon now and i’m spent, nothing left but, i froze on the but so forget it.

I wonder how in the world I’m going to manage sailing, singlehanded, around the world.  Not quite sure I want to go around, but sure I want to sail across a few oceans.  California to Hawaii would be my first, and if I can’t handle one sleepless night? how could I possibly handle 30 of them across the pacific? I’m still determined.  The situation will be different, my motives will be stronger sitting atop a sailing vessel versus nestled in the corner of a library in Bar Harbor, Maine.

This morning I realized a simple life philosophy behind one of the games I often play in my head.  I was getting out from under the covers into a sitting position, not easy when your legs don’t work.  Before I grabbed the seatbelt handle for the non existent van seats and yanked myself up, I thought in my head “finish this task and you’ll be able to make it driving across this country”.  I do this all the time, cross this curb and you’ll make it the 10 miles down the sidewalk.  It’s the old one step at a time philosophy.  But for me it’s also a simple acknowledging of the relativity of events.  The physical act of getting out of bed is really quite similar to driving across the country.  They both start out as thoughts of the mind, all thats left is the action.

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